NoFace for Film

All American Idol contestants fear the Results show. Butterflies fill stomachs, teeth are clenched, and tears are shed as people are voted off the competition forever. Like every Results episode, the whole hour was inflated with mind-numbing filler composed of recaps, banter, a special guest performance, and of course, the dreaded group song. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand the group songs. They always remind me of a high school show choir or at best, singers at a theme park. They’re just so cheesy, not to mention that it looks awkward for such a large group singing together onstage. As the very first group performance of the season, the Top 24 sang Tears for Fears’ “Sowing the Seeds of Love,” which I think was the most random song anyone could have chosen for them. I noticed that not everyone got a solo, but it’s pretty hard to split up lyrics for 24 people.

After the break Ryan cut to the chase and asked six of the guys to get up onstage and stand next to him. They were Brandon Rogers, Chris Richardson, Blake Lewis, Sundance Head, Nick Pedro, and Paul Kim. Ryan did his usual spiel of recapping the judges’ comments to each contestant and asking those who are safe to sit down. In the end, Paul Kim was the last man standing and was sent home. Of course, Ryan’s torture didn’t end there, as he asked Paul to sing one more time. The performance was awful, but you can’t really blame the poor guy at this point.

Then it was the girls’ turn. Again, Ryan asked six of them to come onstage. They were Jordin Sparks, Sabrina Sloan, Melinda Doolittle, Stephanie Edwards, Leslie Hunt, and Antonella Barba. One by one he told each girl to sit down, until he got to Antonella. Now, one may presume that since Paul was the last person on the stage, the same rules would apply to Antonella. Not quite! That wily Seacrest, he’s always got something up his sleeve. Antonella was safe and sat down, but then Ryan pulled an unsuspecting Amy Krebs from her seat and told her that she’s going home. Goddamn, he’s sadistic. Yes, I know that he’s told to do these cruel things for theatrics and ratings, but it still sucks.

The executions were delayed a bit as Season Three Idol winner Fantasia took the stage after the commercials. She announced that she’ll be starring in the Broadway production of The Color Purple, which will be produced by the legendary Quincy Jones. Ryan asked Quincy to comment about Fantasia and the play, but rudely cut him off after poor Mr. Jones uttered only two words. Fantasia performed, which wasn’t bad, but I couldn’t help being distracted by her dress. It was very nice and had a lovely color, but here’s a little tip for Fantasia- if you’re going to wear an industrial-strength girdle, make sure that it won’t show through your very tight dress.

Ah, back to business. Ryan called the remaining five girls to the stage, who were Haley Scarnato, Gina Glocksen, Nicole Tranquillo, Alaina Alexander, and Lakisha Jones. Although Lakisha was standing next to Ryan, I was pretty damn sure she wasn’t going home tonight or anytime soon. After dragging it out a bit, Ryan sent Nicole Tranquillo home, and of course she sang her swan song. Finally, the last six guys are brought onstage, who were Rudy Cardenas, Chris Sligh, Phil Stacy, AJ Tabaldo, Jared Cotter, and Sanjaya Malakar. By the way, it was nice to see Chris address his backtalk to Simon on Tuesday night. Realizing that some people may have taken his Il Divo remark the wrong way, Chris explained that he loves Simon and highly respects him. Nice save, Chris. Anyway, getting back to the eliminations, to no one’s surprise Ryan told Rudy Cardenas to pack his bags.

Damn, I am good. I was dead on in my predictions on who was going home this week. At the same time though, it was a no-brainer. Amy and Nicole weren’t really bad singers, but both were forgettable. Meanwhile, Rudy and Paul were clearly the weakest performers out of the guys.

The process starts again next week as the remaining Top 20 guys and girls perform their little hearts out for the voting public. Until then, I’ve been Kaonashi, and I am out of here!

Technorati Tags: American Idol Top 24, Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, Fantasia, Quincy Jones, Brandon Rogers, Sundance Head, Chris Richardson, Blake Lewis, Nick Pedro, Paul Kim, Jordin Sparks, Melinda Doolittle, Antonella Barba, Sabrina Sloan, Stephanie Edwards, Leslie Hunt, Amy Krebs, Haley Scarnato, Gina Glocksen, Nicole Tranquillo, Alaina Alexander, Lakisha Jones, Chris Sligh, Phil Stacy, AJ Tabaldo, Jared Cotter, Sanjaya Malakar, Rudy Cardenas