NoFace for Film

Yay, another hour long results show last night. What’s the point, really? There was so much useless filler that I wasn’t even paying attention half the time.

An extra hour meant the return of the group song. Man, I sure missed those. Or not. The contestants butcher their way through “Bailamos” by Enrique Iglesias. I cringed when Haley and Sanjaya did their little duet. So that’s what it sounds like when you put together two people who can’t sing. No one told either of them that a duet meant they were to sing in the same key. At least Blake and LaKisha did better with their duet, and Blake isn’t really that strong a singer.

Filler crap, Part One: Ryan interviews people on the street about what they thought about Tuesday’s performances. Yawn.

Filler crap, Part Two: performance by Akon. Again? Wasn’t he on the show just two weeks ago?

Of course we have the Ford ad. This week they rip off Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” video. It was downright terrifying to watch Sanjaya morph into Melinda. Who knew that they looked so much alike?

Filler crap, Part three: more advertising for the upcoming “Idol Cares” special. Ryan again begs for money from companies

Filler crap, Part four: dumb sketch with Tony Bennett “auditioning” in front of the judges (via the magic of clever editing!) and being rejected.

A half hour later, we finally get to the results. Yeesh. Phil is in the Bottom 3. What a shock. I did not see that coming *snicker*. LaKisha and Jordin are safe. Looks like Dialidol results were WRONG. Melinda and Blake are obviously safe, but Haley takes her usual trip to the bottom 3. I then realize that she’s wearing a long-sleeved shirt and pants. Perhaps it has something to do with Simon’s comments to her about wearing as little as possible to distract the audience? Throughout this, Ryan tells Sanjaya to stand up and sit down twice. It was really stupid, annoying, and mean. I hate when Seacrest fucks around with the contestants like that. Finally, Chris is thrown in the bottom with Phil and Haley. But of course the show needs to kill some more time, which leads to…

Filler crap, Part five: Jennifer Lopez performance. She sings some song off her new, all Spanish album and naturally promotes it afterwards. I didn’t really care for the song, and her voice sounded like it was being dubbed with synthesizers. I don’t believe for a moment that she and Marc Anthony watch the show regularly. Like she cares who’s going to win.

Argh, back to business. Chris is sent back to safety. Phil is grinning like a fool, while Haley wears her usual face of defeat. Ryan gives her the boot. No one is shocked. Hell, I can’t believe that she made it this far. Haley sings her swan song, and near the end she approaches the other contestants. I laughed when Chris and Blake do some silly dance towards her.

Next week is Country Week, with Martina McBride. I’m expecting a disaster, especially from super-stylized singers like Blake and Chris. LaKisha and Melinda may weasel their way out of singing country by picking a gospel-sounding, country song. I forsee Phil picking a tune to showcase his big voice, and I forsee Sanjaya wearing a stupid cowboy hat on stage and keeping the peach fuzz on his face. I think that Jordin may be the only one who emerges from this unscathed.