NoFace for Film

This week, the Top 7 showed off their mad country singing skillz - well, at least some of them did. Others, like a certain contestant whose name rhymes with “banjaya”, just crashed and burned. Martina McBride was the gang’s mentor, and I know nothing about her or her music so I can’t really comment much about her. Sorry folks, but I don’t really listen to country music. She is pretty though.

Oooh, a Constantine sighting! Eeeeewww, he still eye-boinks the television audience. I suddenly feel violated.

Well, let’s get started.

A-

Jordin was in fine form this week, as she sang “A Broken Wing” by Ms. McBride herself. What’s great about Jordin is her versatility. She can sing R&B, pop, country, etc. Randy said it was another great performance, while Simon said something like, “This is the first time since we met that I actually believed you could win.” Coolness.

Melinda has rebounded from last week’s poor performance with “Trouble is a Woman”. I thought it was great and professional sounding as usual. However, I recommend that Melinda stop wearing sleeveless or strapless tops, because they emphasize her no-neck look further. All the judges loved it, but Simon finally told her to cut out her fake surprise reactions whenever they praise her. Good call Simon.

B+

I have to give props to Phil, because he actually didn’t suck this week. Phil sang “Where the Blacktop Ends” by Keith Urban, and although the first part seemed a little rushed, he actually did quite well. The ever pompous ass Randy said, “From an accomplished producer, you’ve got a career.” Simon agreed, saying that it was a good choice of song, and for once he showed personality. For once I don’t want him to go home. It wouldn’t be right, especially since all the judges loved him this week.

B

I was wondering how Blake would handle Country Week, seeing as he doesn’t have one ounce of it in his ultra-hip little body. Blake chose Tim McGraw’s “When the Stars Go Blue”, which didn’t really sound like a country song to me, but I suppose it was Blake-ifed as usual. Overall, Blake didn’t look comfortable on stage. He wasn’t smiling, he wasn’t moving much, and although Martina suggested for Blake to use a higher falsetto, I don’t think he pulled it off well. However, all the judges loved him as usual. Simon took the opportunity to give the judges’ condolences to the victims in yesterday’s shooting at Virginia Tech, which seemed awkward and spontaneous to me. I figured that he was just doing that since Chris gave a shout out earlier. More on that in a bit.

B-

I think LaKisha got confused halfway during her performance. Singing Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus Take the Wheel,” LaKisha at first was singing it straight country, but when she got to the chorus she unleashed her big, booming gospel voice. It was weird, not to mention it felt rushed. Randy said that it was pitchy at the start and wished that she had taken the gospel route with the song. Paula said that it sounded like she was shouting the chorus, which she definitely was. As Paula was adding that it was the wrong choice of song, LaKisha cut her off by snipping, “Ok.” I think she’s a great singer, but I’m liking her less as time goes on.

C

Chris claims that he’s a southern boy at heart because of where he’s from (which I didn’t catch, sorry). Uh huh. Is that why he was still doing little runs during Rascal Flatt’s “Mayberry”? Man, it was pitchy and whiny - in short, a typical Chris performance. Randy said that he didn’t feel a sense of connection or emotion. Simon pretty much ripped Chris apart, saying it was a very nondescript, nasally, tinny vocal. I couldn’t agree with you more my friend. Chris retaliated by saying that nasally is a form of singing!! Oh really now?? Is this something he learned at Juliard? Realizing that he’s a sinking ship, Chris then made a last-ditch effort to earn votes by doing a shout out to Virginia Tech, explaining that he has some friends there. I suppose he really has friends there, but if his comments were planned, he would have made the shout out before his performance.

Incidentally, I didn’t catch this but apparently, Simon rolled his eyes when Chris did his shout out. Someone from the Drudge Report is looking for a screenshot of this. Methinks they want to make a story about Simon not caring about the victims at Virginia Tech. Personally, I think Simon rolled his eyes at Chris’s lame attempt to gain some pity votes.

D-

I swear, Sanjaya is getting more smug and arrogant each week. The little brat said he picked Bonnie Raitt’s “Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About” because he knows a lot of people talk about him and he wanted to give them something to really talk about. He butchered his way through the song. There was no energy in his voice, he was off key most of the time, the notes were everywhere - it was just sloppy as all hell. He seemed like he didn’t care because after all, his fans would vote for him no matter what. Randy said that it was like karaoke. Paula said that the vocals were ehhh…but he’s still a lovely guy. Simon gutted Sanjaya like he did to Chris, saying it was utterly horrendous.

Suddenly, Ryan butted in and accused Simon of never liking Sanjaya. He then proceeded to grill the other two judges on their negative comments. What the hell? That really pissed me off. I know that Simon is often times too mean and that Ryan sticks up for the contestants, but he went way overboard when he went after Paula and Randy. Ryan isn’t a producer or a performer. He knows nothing about music and should just shut the hell up.

I have a bad feeling that Phil may leave this week, in spite of finally receiving positive remarks from all three judges. It’s happened before, and it can happen again. Although Chris was technically worse than him, I think that Chris has more fans that Phil. Of course, my ultimate dream is to finally see Smugjaya go home, but sadly I don’t think it’s time yet.

Who will go home: Phil

Who should go home: Sanjaya